He may have started

a new industry in the Catholic Church.

Priest makes bobblehead doll of Ohio’s Bishop Trautman

It's a terrific joke, and a really nice looking bobblehead, in no way a criticism or attempt to make the bishop an object of derision. It's great that they have a bishop that can take it in good humour like this.

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There's a lot of us in her church...

"My mom is very religious, and she said, 'Whatever you think about all the time, that's what you worship.' If that's the case, I'd like everyone to pop open their Diet Coke cans and turn to page 37 of their People magazines." - Maria Bamford

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Absolutely!

You tell 'em, Mark! Where did these people come from?

Sealofconfession.com

I really hate seeing things that have a special place in people's lives become fodder for some kind of mocking, social-commentary/humour website. This is a scam, and if it's not a scam, it's a weird kind of joke of some kind, or a joke AND scam. It certainly isn't legitimate. It is most definitely a fraud.

I would hope that Catholics out there would know better than to use this site, and if they don't know better, well, DON'T USE IT!

There.

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Obviously

someone's windoze system is more cultured than the one we have in our office...



I'd like to be using the version they are...

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The economy is affecting everyone!


The economy is hitting us all pretty hard

So much for the free gift. When you think of it, though, Heaven must have an incredible overhead. Unless, as some fringe faiths believe, there's not too many people there...

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Shamelessly

stolen from an email I received. I've heard some before, but some are new to me...

Provoking thoughts that make sense

1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of Politicians give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the hell happened?'
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.


Meant as a joke, some one them are closer to reality than you think. They're still funny, though...

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Collecting people and jokes

East German Jokes Collected by West German Spies

The East German spies collected them as well. The actions taken and the results were different though.

People in desperate conditons use humour as a tool to survive. Everyone does it...

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Some... odd... humour...

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6.. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all -

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

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Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh...




"One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race...

Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.

Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.

Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse.

Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated.. As the races continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in first.

By and by, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.

He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was.

Confronting the old priest he demanded, 'Father! What happened?

All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings -- all of it!'.

The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. 'Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.'"

I've an odd sense of humour...

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.

"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."

Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

Sorry

"
A turtle is walking through a park, when he is attacked by 2 snails.
The snails beat up the turtle, rob him and leave him lying on his back.
Later when the police were interviewing the turtle they asked him what happened.
The turtle says: "I don't know it all happened so fast!!""

I said I was sorry!

Apparently,

this really happened a while ago... ;-)

George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him. He turned to Moses and said, "I am George W. Bush, the President of the USA, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?"

Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 years!"

I lifted this one from another website

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it. The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem.

She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look, so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair."

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, put a package of pretzels in the bag with the beer and said, "The curlers are on me."

A joke

that isn't as funny as it first appears:

"I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries , a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes; I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia. I have poor circulation; I hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. I've lost all my friends but, thank God, I still have my driver's license."

Heh, heh...

Q. Why is Christmas just like another day at the office?

A. You do all the work, yet the fat bloke in the suit gets the credit!

Joke

I found this on a United Church of Canada website today. It's for all you choir types out there who will understand:

What is the difference between a machine gun and a gospel chorus?

A machine gun has only 90 rounds.

Well, speaking as a choir member, I thought it was cute.

A joke

Sure to offend someone, I guess. Thanks to SoMA for the joke.

There are three religious truths:

1) Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3) Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.


Made me smile.